DEFLATOR MOUSE DISNEY CUTS THE FAT 6-13-05
In some of the most sucky casting yet, Disney dopily hired Teen-Tit-Sensation Lindsay Lohan to star in their new "Kid-Friendly-Summer-Flop" HERBIE FULLY LOADED .
I guess in green lighting the project the higher-ups thought with Lohan they could use the Farrah Fawcett / CANNONBALL RUN cliche' "sex sells cars, so it can sell car movies" relying on the extra teen silicone to push it full throttle to the box office.
The hope being that if anything could revitalize Herbie, in this, the fourth piece of shit from the living Volkswagan camp, it would be her massive too-fake-and-round-to-be-real bazongas. With the fun animated cartoonish car, and the female lead's giant bouncing breasts, the film would be an easy sell to NASCAR dads wanting to spend more "quality time" with their 8-year-old daughters. A "no brainer."
When reports from test screenings indicated that her low cut tops and billowing cleavage came across as somewhat sensual in a family-oriented film (no shit Sherlock, they didn't hire Elmo, they hired Tits R' US). Disney Digital Animators were hired to tediously go through scenes showing a car race where Lohan was filmed rooting "a little too enthusiastically" for Herbie to win. She was jumping up and down so much she set her ample bosom jumping as well.
Rather than just strap-em-down (like they did with Dorothy in THE WIZARD OF OZ) and re-shoot, the digital animators used Jurassic Park Quality Digital Editing Programs to frame by frame digitally reduced her breasts by UP TO TWO CUP SIZES and raise the necklines of her T-shirts to eliminate that oh-so-dangerous breast cave. A process that cost THE MOUSE 1.5 Million Dollars!
Yay Disney! Bad art never ends!
Lindsay Lohan's Breast implants = Ten Thousand Dollars.
Having them Digitally Removed for a film about a living punch buggy = 1.5 Million Dollars.
Saving $10, two hours and a trip to the theater for this G Rated bomb to watch a DVD of MEAN GIRLS in slow motion with the volume off and with a full bottle of hand lotion = Priceless
Just another day in the life of an Art Juggernaut.
-Cojo