WAKE-UP CALL
8-10-05 THIS POST'S CONTENT:
I heard a car peel out and crack to a halt on metal, not that I was actually asleep before this happened. It was about 5:30 AM and I had been burning the midnight oil on deadline on a new MAXIM UK piece, sketching away while watching Dinero and Walken in THE DEER HUNTER .
The piece I did for Maxim UK last week came out really sweet. The editor loved it so much he asked me to do pieces like it as a regular monthly feature. Considering I haven't done anything for Maxim UK in a while, this is huge. Not since the hilarious GREG GUTFELD moved to England, taking the Editor In Chief helm of Maxim UK after having been Ed. In Chief for Stuff Magazine here in the states and making it what it is today.
I assumed that since Greg had never used me in Stuff, he didn't like my work or something, or maybe it was just the politics of Stuff being Maxim's little brother, or Greg having his own art preferences as to how he wanted to steer the British edition of Maxim. Well, whatever it was I'm now back to being a regular feature in Maxim UK. I love Maxim UK, and it's dope cause work I do for the UK always gets picked-up in the various Maxims around the world and translated into all different languages, with multiple monetary kickbacks to me, as well as mailed copies of the foreign issues (which are always fun to try to read).
So, I was sketching away, watching Christopher Walken playing Russian roulette with Dinero, when I heard a car crash just outside. I walked to the window and caught a glimpse of a red car backing up and driving off. What was more peculiar was the car it had hit. It was sitting on the sidewalk. It had been flipped perfectly on its side so that its passenger door was on the concrete.
I have no idea how the red car flipped this other car so perfectly, in that the flipped car had no evidence of impact, not even a scratch. It was almost as though a giant had dead lifted the car up and onto the sidewalk as a gag. There was no smoke, flames, or even spilled liquids, just a car sitting there on the sidewalk.
I turned my attention back to the TV and unpaused. Walken stuck the pistol to his head, pulled the trigger. Empty cartridge.
I walked back to the window a few minutes later, now there were firemen in full firefighting gear standing around looking at the car in confusion. They had no clue what the hell happened. They were walking around the car over and over. Each fireman took turns patting the trunk, I have no idea why. They all looked as though they were thinking that they themselves could push it back over. This wasn't a little car, it was a four door.
By this time there was a big crowd of onlookers. People "just decided" that their dog "needed" to take a 5:45 AM shit. It was the more un-entertaining spectacle I have ever seen. Nothing was moving, there was no action, it was just a; "how the hell did this happen, and what do we do now?" type of situation.
Walken and Dinero shot up the Vietcong and were now floating down a river on a downed tree. I paused again and walked to the window. A tow truck had attached a cable around one f the front tires of the flipped car. The cable went taught and the car righted itself. The firefighters got back in their truck and drove off. The onlookers scooped up their dog's shits and went home.
Dinero and crew sang God Bless America. Freeze-frame, cut to credits.
Just another day in the life of an Art Juggernaut.
-Cojo