THE FIVE POINT PLAN
TO QUALIFY FOR ROMNEY'S CABINET
THU. 10-17-12 HOFSTRA UNIVERSITY, LI, NY
In the second presidential debate, governor Mitt Romney was posed a question about pay equity and decided to dodge the answer by instead referencing some problems he had encountered while trying to staff qualified women for his Governor's Cabinet back in Massachusetts.
Due either to the women applicant's lack of qualifications, or simply the lack of women applying for the job, he was frustrated at the binder full of qualified men, and empty binder of women, or possibly just at that point an empty manila folder.
Determined to fill the "binder full of women" he sought the help of women's groups to help him locate women qualified for the job.
What the specific qualifications were that were lacking from the resume's of the initial women who initally applied for Cabinet jobs (assuming any applied) were not spelled out, so as a public service I've taken the initiative to create the following:
FIVE POINT QUALIFICATION PLAN:.
A handy and helpful guide for future job applicants for Governor's Cabinet positions in any of the other 49 states. Romney would fix his Cabinet like he fixed the Olympics, so be ready to be tested in business suits and makeshift gym equipment borrowed from the office supply closet.
QUALIFICATION POINT #1 : SPEED.
The ability to run a sub-3:00 hr. marathon is key. Work, like life, is a marathon. It only makes sense that we would want the stongest and fastest in our cabinet. If you can complete the entire 42.2 km in under 3 hours , you are a good candidate for any job. Extra points if you run it in over 4 hours and just lie about it.
QUALIFICATION POINT #2 : STRENGTH.
The You may have to carry golf bags on a hot day from your car to the golf cart (that is if the caddy isn't around). Things can get strenuous. It doesn't hurt if you have the upper body to be able to deadlift your weight in water jugs, or at least complete the p90x intro disks.
QUALIFICATION POINT #3 : FOCUS
It helps to be a straight shooter, as well as be able to align your goals, targets, and messages with the goals, targets, and messages of your parent company or political party.
QUALIFICATION POINT #4 : BALANCE A BUDGET
You will be tested by how well you ballance a budget by balancing on a Corinthian leather Eames chair while being spun rapidly by an entitled government dependent senior citizen (don’t worry about them, they are part of the 47% who don’t pay taxes, if they get injured they can just go to the emergency room) .
QUALIFICATION POINT #5 : TURN A BLIND EYE
Can you maintain the status quo? You must be able to ignore women’s constitutional rights and disproportionate pay inequities without throwing a wrench in the well oiled machine. You will be tested on your ability to sweep gracefully around these issues. PRO TIP: Putting women on rolly carts make this task easier.
QUALIFICATION POINT #5a : HAVE TESTICLES
Although not "officially" one of the five points, 5a actually counts more than points 1-5. Above a potential candidate photocopies his resumé.
ENJOYED THIS POST? THEN YOU WILL LOVE!
ROMNEY ON PAY EQUITY? HE HAS "BINDERS FULL OF WOMEN"
A cartoon paneled retelling of Romney's answer to Pay Equity at the second presidential debate, as told through word baloons and his own quotes.
Artwork by Cojo "Art Juggernaut"
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